When It Comes, It Is Here

once again the only time that i find time to write is when im at the side door at the second job. i know that i have duties and responsibilities, but it allows me to think. well at least when people arent asking me where the bathroom or atm are.

so the band is on break and during this break they are playing pop music and a song comes on and it took me back to a time when life was a little bit more complicated and things were a tad bit hazy. i think in life we all have growing pains. we all go through things that are supposed to make us a better person.

back to my point, i dont really think we apprieciate music and what it allows for us to feel. i mean how many times have you turned on the radio in your car only to hear a song from your high school days and it took you for a trip down memory lane? this why i love music.

when i play my guitar it takes me back. it relaxes me. it allows for me to release the anger that i have. it is my underground railroad. where would i be without the song " smooth rider". that one is for you meghan.

music has brought me pain and reminded me of love. it has allowed for me to make peace of things in the past and to embrace the future that is unknown. today i listen to "why i am" it is a new song on an album that has yet be released. but i can fully understand why true artist write music. it is their release and their therapy.

disclaimer: this was written on my cellphone so sorry for the gramatical errors....

once was high now is low, but really she should know that the beginning is with her. when it was written and turned into stone she was the one who was on the throne. she holds the key to his heart and never should they be apart.....

Hold On

Years upon years, and I thought that it would never happen to me. I never thought that I would be so love stricken that I needed to propose. I never thought in a millions years, that I and someone who I loved, would love me back in the same way. Never.

But here we sit, hoping never to forget, hoping to be together for the rest of our lives. I am at the point in my life that will bring on new challenges. What’s next? That is something that we are going to experience together. I am so happy and elated. I am excited. I am thrilled.

For so long, I’ve lived with a pessimistic outlook on the world and life. Now my views and my visions have changed. Not only have I stopped focusing on the negative, but I’ve embraced the positive. I look forward to doing things and experience life through a new set of eyes.

Life has a way of changing you and allowing you to see things that weren’t there before. Life has a way of making you grow up before you are ready. Life has a way of putting you back into your place. Life has a way of making everything alright again. Life has a way of showing you that you can marry your best friend.

I use to think that my life would end up like my father’s. I use to think that I was destined to do the things that he did. I kept looking and finding parallels in our lives. And then I suddenly realized, it isn’t how we are alike, but how we are different. I needed to understand and see that my story hasn’t been written yet, and I have control.

Daily Driver

With so many different ways for one to inform the world of their feelings and their daily dealings, I've decided to return to the seldom used blog. It is has been far too long since I've written on here. It is difficult find time to write. I'm just so busy, with Meghan, Parker, and work. But tonight I felt the need to write. I felt the need to express, like I once did. I can't say for sure if this will be the return, but I can say that it will be worth reading.

How do you tell someone that just doesn't get it? I mean they just keep bringing it up and no matter what you do or say, they just don't get it. When does it end? Will it ever? I don't think so. I believe that hurting someone's feelings is the last thing that needs to be done, but it just might happen. Facing reality is something that people really just don't want to ever do. We all have our fantasies and dreams, but at some point we need to come back to reality. When reality sets in, that is when we will really know the truth.

Sometimes, the truth hurts, but it's worth knowing. I mean who really likes been led astray? I know that I don't. I would rather hear it and have a fair shot of dealing with it. I don't know where I'm going with this post anymore. I don't know where this entry is going to take me, but I'm going to follow the path.

Have you ever had that feeling that everything you do isn't good enough? Have you ever had that feeling that you could eat and eat and never be full? The feeling when you've done your best and have nothing left, but deep down inside you know that you aren't going to win? I feel that way right now. Throughout my whole life, I've felt pressure and I've dealt with it. Until recently, I thought I've dealt with pressure relatively well. I guess that now, I'm starting to crack. I'm talking about a crack in the foundation that is moving up the wall.

 

 

Something written long ago seems appropriate once again…..

 

Lost in love

Drowned by the rain

Days aren't the same

Only him to blame

 

Changes are needed

But the hairline has receded

On top it is all gone

It feels so wrong

 

Teach him how

Straighten what was foul

The taste left is horrid

Right now is the hour

 

Only you have the power

Beauty bloomed like a new flower

Regard for you is great

He can no longer wait

 

 

Something Old, Something New, Somthing Untrue

What you want isn't what you're going to get. Things never play out the way that we expect them to. I guess that is why life is worth living. The cookie cutter mold isn't the way life is. The cookies never turn out the way that you want them to. Well at least mind don't. Enough of the anaolgies, I need to get down do the meat of the subject.

Life, why is it so difficult sometimes? I mean, I have the largest chip on my shoulder. It has been there for the past couple of months. I've tried just about everything that I know to get it removed, but nothing has worked. My fuse and temper have been so short. I've been snapping at the smallest things. I mean, there are some negative things going on in my life, but everyone has those type of things. I need to learn to better control my emotions.

What is really on mind? I don't know. I sat down, I felt that I needed to write. I haven't written in a long time. I haven't had the time. I've had the time, but not want. I've had the want, but not the desire. I've had the desire, but not the follow through. I wrote a lot more, when I knew that people didn't read it. Now that I know people read it, I write a lot less.

There are just things, emotions, thoughts, that I feel that I want to express, but I don't know how to anymore. I don't know how things changed, but they did. This has always been a resource of comfort and release, but I haven't been using it. Oh well...

Who will save him from himself.
Who can tell the dealer about what he dealt
Busted again
Will this ever end

This just isn’t my night
Come on lets go home
Stop acting like that, I don’t want to fight
Walking out of the doors, damn it is so bright

Another night wasted
Another defeat tasted
What will happen now
No rent money, no water, no reason to grab a towel

It is time to go to work
Working as a clerk
Get yelled at by this jerk
Doesn’t even seem like real work
Maybe this why I have no money
Could this be why I’m lonely

Hope

When it all started, I knew then, but now it has changed. For the better? I hope. I mean that is the only thing that we really have, hope and maybe faith. In the end, where does all of that really get you? Some people think nowhere. There are a lot of things that I hope for, health, family safety, and job security.

Today, I hope for change. I have faith in the American people and I believe that they will vote for change. I hope that they will see that if things don’t change, it will get worse. I’m not saying that change will have all of the answers, but it is time to let someone else lead. It is time to hand the keys to the young guy and he see how he can drive.

I took the day off from work, so I can get my riot gear all set up, just in case… No but really, I just didn’t want to miss anything that may or may not happen today. And plus I needed to waste a vacation day. What better way to spend the day, watching Foxnews, CNN, and MSNBC.

A year older

It has been a year and a week. One more year older I am. I can't believe what a year it has been.

Last year around this time I was still working for "Buy More" and "Nerd Herd". I had a job and not a career. I had woman, but not a lover. I had a life, but not a reason to live. Now I have all of the above and I'm so happy to have them all. I feel so blessed. Really I do. It is funny what can happen in a year.

Last year, I wasn't a father and now I am. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm so thankful to have a healthy baby boy. People say he looks like me, but I don't see it. You tell me...




When I was younger, I thought that I would be married by this age. I thought that I would be years into my career. I thought that I would have a house and the beginning of a family. Marriage will come when Meghan and I are both ready to take the next step. I home I will have once Freddie mac or Fannie Mae give me a good loan on a house. And I am 4 months into a good career at Farmers.

Last but not certainly the least. The Kansas Jayhawks became Orange Bowl Champions and NCAA Basketball Champs in the same year. The Royals stunk, but didn't end up in last place and didn't lose 100 games. The Chiefs are rebuilding and are sucking while doing it. Last season, I don't even remember it. Last good thing I remember about the Chiefs was a game and Arrowhead and we had just taken the lead against Farve and the Packers and Brett through a touchdown pass to blow the game wide open. I don't think the Chiefs won a game until the 08 season.

Enough about sports and more about me. I think that if I could than that I should. There are no ands or buts about it. If I feel that it needs to get done, than it should without any issues. In this life we have to learn to take the good with the bad and the happiness with the sad. Happiness comes to those to want and deserve it.

What the world might ponder
Another man wonders
How could it have been
If we only remained friends
what could we do
where could we go
the world will never know
A time wasted
A place neither here no there
A commonality they both share
Happiness will come
Sadness will too
But in the end
There will be two
me and you....

Oh Happy Day

So I don't really have too much more to report on. Parker has been home for 3 days and every day is getting a tad bit smoother. He likes to sleep during the day is awake at night. That has caused Meghan and I's schedules to be reversed. Hopefully this trend will change soon. I've been off of my regular job for about a week now and I really can't wait to go back. The househusband life really isn't for me. Here are some more pictures of my son....